Just been weird….

Posted: April 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

Today as a whole has just been weird… I’m putting it down to sleep deprivation.

Normally I’m mostly a happy chap with a head full of fantasies about giving up my day job and becoming a successful photographer who has a raft of famous clients etc or other such stuff thatll never happen but today….

Just been fucking weird..

I’ve found myself in a state of retrospective “What ifs…..”
What if I hadn’t
Left school at the earliest opportunity..
Been so shy with girls..
got married…
Had kids…

What if I had…
Fuck, there are too many to list….

But you get the idea, I suppose we all have them but for some reason I’ve had this all fucking day…

And it’s depressed the hell out of me.

Then there are the questions that follow..
Would I still be me?
Would I be happy?
Would other folk be happy without “this” me!
Is “that” me a better person or a bigger dick than “this” me??

Obviously I’ll never know the answers but that’s what’s been so weird, normally I don’t have these thoughts… I know there’s nothing I can do about it so what’s the point in trying to work shit like this out?
But today I HAVE been trying to work it out…

I just hope this mood shifts… I don’t like it one tiny bit 😦

Sorry to anyone who had the misfortune to read this btw…

  1. I think retrospection always comes right before we walk into a new chapter of our lives. A new job, a new dream, anything and before we get there we have to examine the past and think of all the ways we didn’t go. Watch for a shift in something in your life, they usually always follow these moments

  2. marybeth77 says:

    Thank you for sharing… I’m a huge over thinker. It’s certainly no misfortune to read this. Here’s the thing… Without retrospection, we don’t grow as a person. I’ve spent a great deal of time the last year or so looking at my past and have since learned a great deal about myself… Not the least of which is a rediscovery of my confidence and self value… So in my humble opinion… Though self reflection can be painful, it can ultimately bring about great good… Hugs to you… 🙂

  3. i think it is purely natural to wonder how our choices have impacted the path of our lives. but today you are you and that person is exceptional as both an artist and a friend. it is never too late to pursue your passions or become the person you long to be. just know YOU are seen, accepted and loved because of all the choices that led you to being this person – right now. xx

  4. Hyacinth says:

    I agree with the others. Introspection isn’t a bad thing. It can be frustrating, but I’d rather spend time with someone who wrestles with the unknowns than someone who accepts the status quo. It’s motivation for growth and change.

    So don’t sweat sharing this stuff with us. Most of us have blogs with words lamenting all sorts of what ifs 🙂 xx Hy

  5. Molly says:

    You should never apologise for a post like this on a blog. What makes a blog a good read is when it gives a complete (or as complete as possible) picture of someone. Knowing the bad days is just as important and relevant as the good in many ways.

    As for the photography, if I had an opinion it would be DO IT! Life is short and you have a great talent, if you feel it is something you want to do then sometimes you just have to give it try to find out for sure. In life I have found it is the things I have NOT done that I have regretted most as opposed to the things I have done


  6. i would quote the tired YOLO (tired cos i’m fed up of hearing it in my chore-house) but yeah, it’s true and if you’re not happy, change it, only got one shot.

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